Pain
Just read a blog from a frustrated, end of her rope mom who has found out her daughter has to endure back surgery to correct scoliosis. This mom is feeling the pain of loving someone in need and probably the greater pain of helplessness.
Made me think back a few years to the days of feeling that same pain. Grace has been through too much in her 17 years. Those that know her well, would tell you she has an incredible spirit and always manages to persevere.
As her mom I’m not sure which events in her life have been the toughest. She was only five the first time she had a stay in an intensive care unit. She had a simple surgery and couldn’t breathe on her own after. She spent about 4 weeks there. Her worst stay was at the age of 9. She had pneumonia and due to circumstances that are too lengthy to write in this post ended flying to another hospital, had a code blue, needed a tracheotomy, and finally returned home after about 11 weeks. She had a couple short over night stays that were uneventful ( if a stay can be considered that). Her last stay was scheduled, something that almost made it harder to endure. She was about 12, and was having the same back surgery that the woman from the other blog’s daughter will have. It was, for Grace, a short stay about 5 days. I think that long walk to the surgery room was the hardest walk I’d endured. As her parents we knew the risks of a long surgery, those risks are compounded by her muscle condition. Grace has never been a fool, she also knew the risks. She had even given me instructions as to what to do with her doll that she cherished since her first birthday. Even though she was 12 and the doll seemed to be tossed aside, it was her treasure and wanted it to go to her best friend if she didn’t need it again.
Sitting in the waiting area through surgery was unbearable, there were people coming and going, laughing and talking. We just sat there in a daze. Close to the same daze we’d been in at other times in our lives with Grace. But in those times there always seemed to be decisions to make, questions to ask, people to call. This was different. We knew it would be a long surgery, we were told to expect 8 hours, it turned into 10. I must say that when the attendant said that there was a call for us, it turned out to be was a relief, something to look forward to. A nurse from the surgery room was calling with updates. Grace was doing fine, things were going well. We got calls every few hours and I could only continue to pray and of course think back to Grace’s question to the doctor when he said it would be 8 hours. She wanted to know what he would do if her had to use the bathroom.
Of course Grace’s surgery went perfectly, it was a hard recovery because it’s such a huge procedure. I can only say to anyone feeling that pain of frustration and helplessness that it was worth it. Knowing that if I had to fix my child, there would be no hope. I have a strong faith and feel that Grace was never in my hands anyway. She has not always had the best doctors, but in her greatest times of need she has had the best. I thank God daily for her and try to be the best parent I can. I fail daily, but manage to keep going. I feel for this other mom. The pain is hard. I’ve cried writing this just remembering. Just remember, it’s been worth it.
Just read a blog from a frustrated, end of her rope mom who has found out her daughter has to endure back surgery to correct scoliosis. This mom is feeling the pain of loving someone in need and probably the greater pain of helplessness.
Made me think back a few years to the days of feeling that same pain. Grace has been through too much in her 17 years. Those that know her well, would tell you she has an incredible spirit and always manages to persevere.
As her mom I’m not sure which events in her life have been the toughest. She was only five the first time she had a stay in an intensive care unit. She had a simple surgery and couldn’t breathe on her own after. She spent about 4 weeks there. Her worst stay was at the age of 9. She had pneumonia and due to circumstances that are too lengthy to write in this post ended flying to another hospital, had a code blue, needed a tracheotomy, and finally returned home after about 11 weeks. She had a couple short over night stays that were uneventful ( if a stay can be considered that). Her last stay was scheduled, something that almost made it harder to endure. She was about 12, and was having the same back surgery that the woman from the other blog’s daughter will have. It was, for Grace, a short stay about 5 days. I think that long walk to the surgery room was the hardest walk I’d endured. As her parents we knew the risks of a long surgery, those risks are compounded by her muscle condition. Grace has never been a fool, she also knew the risks. She had even given me instructions as to what to do with her doll that she cherished since her first birthday. Even though she was 12 and the doll seemed to be tossed aside, it was her treasure and wanted it to go to her best friend if she didn’t need it again.
Sitting in the waiting area through surgery was unbearable, there were people coming and going, laughing and talking. We just sat there in a daze. Close to the same daze we’d been in at other times in our lives with Grace. But in those times there always seemed to be decisions to make, questions to ask, people to call. This was different. We knew it would be a long surgery, we were told to expect 8 hours, it turned into 10. I must say that when the attendant said that there was a call for us, it turned out to be was a relief, something to look forward to. A nurse from the surgery room was calling with updates. Grace was doing fine, things were going well. We got calls every few hours and I could only continue to pray and of course think back to Grace’s question to the doctor when he said it would be 8 hours. She wanted to know what he would do if her had to use the bathroom.
Of course Grace’s surgery went perfectly, it was a hard recovery because it’s such a huge procedure. I can only say to anyone feeling that pain of frustration and helplessness that it was worth it. Knowing that if I had to fix my child, there would be no hope. I have a strong faith and feel that Grace was never in my hands anyway. She has not always had the best doctors, but in her greatest times of need she has had the best. I thank God daily for her and try to be the best parent I can. I fail daily, but manage to keep going. I feel for this other mom. The pain is hard. I’ve cried writing this just remembering. Just remember, it’s been worth it.
Tipi, you are an amazing person and to say that you fail daily, well, I think Grace would disagree. You've been through so much with her. It IS a shame that so much had to happen for a 17 year old. You are strong beyond belief and I know that you have put your own health problems aside at times (as we mothers will do). Sharing this can help others too I'm sure. I ramble on but mean to say that I'm lucky to have connected with you in this art world. :) Christy
ReplyDeleteI think that you are exactly the right mother for Grace and that your generosity in sharing your experiences is helpful to more people than you can imagine.
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